the two headed one mouth shog
CHEESE SAUCE FOR TOENAILS
Gowdesta Hatoochi turned 10 years old today and she sat on a tobacco stick stool in her family's airy kitchen staring out an open window patiently awaiting the arrival of her Grandfather, Leetoo Hatoochi. She was just about mesmerized seeing the fluttering cloth that framed the window. Earlier, her Mother, Sinoma Hatoochi, served her a fine breakfast of fruits and slurpgurt, which was a nice creamy topping on the fruit. From where she sat, she could see the Poneet Sea rolling in and out pleasantly—the waves gently crashing over and over, leaving her somewhat sleepy.
Her dark wavy hair lay partially over her cheeky face, which had been pinched by the village ladies, “just too many times”, Gowdesta would always complain. Her Father, Jedoma Hatoochi, repeated the same thing each time she complained about having her cheeks pinched, “The price a pretty girl must pay sometimes.” She disliked that answer as much as the pinching.
Gowdesta was a fiery young girl with a long list of likes and dislikes. Her greatest like was spending time with her Grandfather, who always had a new adventure for them and today was more special because today they would hunt for a Two Headed One Mouth Shog. Most Hojomis had never seen a Shog but Gowdesta’s Grandfather promised up and sideways that he had seen a THOMS on numerous occasions and he would prove it to her today.
The shog story he loved to tell and retell included him and his longtime friend, Heetoo Stimani. Heetoo was an islander most Hojomis considered legged and dangerous because his clumsiness frequently sent him tumbling to the ground more than once a day. They laughed and called him, Heetoo Clumsy.
The story goes that while the two were fishing the deep green waters of Shog Strait, a tantamount storm, also known as a water tornado, suddenly appeared and made their lives appear somewhat at an end. Leetoo and Heetoo knew that trying to fight their way back to shore would be a useless endeavor. They both smiled their brilliant white teeth at each other, shook arms and jovially pronounced the Hojomi motto; “Hey, there be life in them struggles!” and gut laughed at each other.
The two Holomi men sat there saying their goodbyes and facing their fate when suddenly a burst of water gurgled up near their boat. It was as if a volcano was coming to the surface. They both held their breath waiting and holding on tight when suddenly, there within the fizzy sea foam, appeared a teethy, scaly shog. Leetoo and Heetoo were in awe and paralyzed at the sight of the fearsome looking creature. Without warning the shog grabbed their small boat and tipped it over, sending both men into the water.
Under the swirling dark, tumultuous green sea, Leetoo kicked to become upright and he then could see Heetoo also employing the acrobatic maneuver and regaining his wits. But suddenly their small boat was plunged under the water, upside-down between the two men. The shog then appeared under water as well holding their boat and forcing it to remain under water. The shog looked at Leetoo and gestured—yes the creature gestured. He wanted them to go under the boat. With little breath to complain they both swam under the boat and found a pocket of air where to exhale and then eagerly inhale and cough up the seawater.
Inside the submerged boat, Leetoo and Heetoo could hear the water tornado passing overhead while the shog struggled to keep the boat steady. They could hardly find a word to say but their eyes spoke fathoms. The shog was saving their lives.
Leetoo looked to Heetoo and nodded, “Why showing he the kindness?”
Heetoo smiled. “Perhaps tasting is best salted!”
They both had to laugh—for they had survived one fate only to be swallowed by a second. Suddenly, the boat was lifted and set right on the water. Leetoo and Heetoo surfaced and took giant breaths. They hurriedly climbed into their boat but no sooner were they prepared to get away did the shog come out of the water with his large mouth open and ready to swallow them.
What happened next was sheer luck. As the shog pulled the small boat towards him, a shogging boat appeared not far away. The shog was alarmed and angry. His feast was interrupted. The shog looked at Leetoo and Heetoo and growled. He then violently plunged into the water, narrowly escaping a harpoon shot by the shogging boat. The shogging boat saved Leetoo and Heetoo.
Gowdesta’s eyes lit up. Finally, she could see her Grandfather coming up the worn path through the thick green jungle that surrounded her home by the sea. She hopped off her seat, grabbed her pack that was sitting nearby and headed outside. As she reached him she dropped her pack and leaped up into his arms and towards his smiling face.
“Papatoo,” she yelped. She hugged his neck so hard she could feel every tough whisker of his beard. He smelled of the island.
“My Gowda!” Leetoo called to her. This was his short name for his granddaughter. She liked the nickname he chose for her and he was the only one who used it. “Oh, you must be eeteng much of the fruit these days then. So big you are,” he said to her with a chuckle.
“And the fish and greens like you always say,” Gowdesta answered him with a prideful nod.
“That is good,” Leetoo said as he set her back down to the ground. He reached back into a bag he was carrying and pulled out a rolled up parchment.
Gowdesta's eyes followed the parchment as he held it in his two hands. “What is that?” She asked with a soft escape of air from her belly.
“Well,” Leetoo started, “some might say this is a parchment. And some might say this is a birthday gift. But you know what I say it is?”
Gowdesta shrugged with her little mouth open and her eyes fixated on the parchment, which looked very worn and old. Leetoo came down to one knee and unrolled the parchment on the sand. Gowdesta’s eyes lit up. It was a very old map of the Hojomi Kees Island.
“A map to the darkest unknown,” he said mysteriously.
“Oh,” Gowdesta said. “Is this mine?”
“Indeed it is,” her Grandfather said happily.
Leetoo Hatoochi was a fine example of the Hojomi people. He was tall, strong, had good white teeth and seemed quite young for his age. This was a trait shared by most, if not all the Poneet Islands people who had occupied the seven-island chain since before recorded history.
Hojomi Kees Island was the farthest east in the string of Poneet Islands. It was small and seemed to go unnoticed by the other larger islands and this was just fine with the Hojomi. They fished, cultivated multitudes of fruits and greens and had many creatures running throughout the island for grand feasting. It was a good place to live.
Leetoo held the parchment open while Gowdesta scanned the map with her darting eyes.
"Here,” Leetoo pointed to a region on the map that appeared to be cliffs on the coast of Shog Strait. “This is where we find our shog!”
Gowdesta was determined to get herself a shog and enjoy the creature’s toenails, for it was said that the shog had mighty tasty toenails, which were larger than hydro-melons and crispier than eltrut shells.
“Is this where the shog lives?” Gowdesta asked.
Leetoo rolled up the map and placed it into her bag. “For many years have I watched this shog. I know it like the back of my hand’s hairs. I know its habits. The food it eats, the creatures it seeks. When it swims. When it meditates.“
“It meditates?”
“I have felt its breathings on my face while it slumbered and this is a thing no Hojomi would care to experience. For the shog’s breath is rotten bad like mixed creature goots.”
Gowdesta shivered. It sounded nasty. She could almost smell it and she gagged involuntarily.
Leetoo stood tall. “You ready?”
“Yes, yes, yes,” Gowdesta danced.
Soon, they were walking through the forest at a good pace. The terrain was challenging for someone Gowdesta’s size. The path was rugged and rocky and obscured by large floppy green leaves. Gowdesta’s short tanned legs kept pace with her Grandfather’s enormous stride. Her breathing was part fatigue and part excitement.
“Are we near, Papatoo?” She asked.
“We are. Maybe fifty breaths and a creek leap away,” Leetoo answered with an ominous sound in his voice.
His eyes showed fear and the natural sounds of the forest added to the ambiance of foreboding. Gowdesta was becoming frightened. The distance to the cliffs from her home was not very far and when she thought about this it made her feel unsafe. She lived so very close to a Two-Headed One Mouth Shog this whole time and she was never aware. She thought of her Mother and Father and worried for their safety.
Leetoo suddenly stopped and Gowdesta ran into him.
“Grandpa!” she barked.
Her grandfather shushed her. He slowly knelt to one knee and took her shoulder and pointed to a cave that was well hidden within the jungle of vines, trees and large rocks. “There he be, young Gowda,” Leetoo said to her with a trembling whisper.
Gowdesta’s heart was pounding fiercely in her chest and her small mouth had fallen open. Leetoo took his finger, placed it under her chin and shut her mouth.
“Many flying grub in the jungle,” he said to her.
Letto stood again and started towards the cave. Gowdesta pulled his hand.
“What is it?” He asked her.
“Is this the shog’s home?” Gowdesta asked.
“This be the shog’s home,” he said.
Gowdesta reached into her pack and pulled out a knife. “You’ll need this,” she whispered to her Grandfather.
Leetoo held in a laugh. “How you come by this knife?” He asked her. “Very dangerous,” he said and slipped the knife away from view.
He put his finger to his lips and shushed her again. “Come,” he said.
He started walking toward the cave and Gowdesta followed. Her eyes were darting uncontrollably and her mouth was open again. She looked up to her Grandfather and reached back to her pack and retrieved another knife. She kept it from his view as they were moving closer to the darkness of the cave.
Some brush snapped under their feet and they both stopped. Leetoo looked back at her. He repeated the shushing quietly with his fingers on his lips. Gowdesta nodded. They started up again inching closer to the now very large cave opening and suddenly… there he was, the Two Headed One Mouth Shog. He sat with his back to Leetoo and Gowdesta. He was sitting quietly looking at the sky. His hump and tail were enormous. Gowdesta’s eyes were near to popping out their sockets.
Then Gowdesta’s voice squeaked. She pulled out her second knife. She stared in sheer shock at the sight of this two person tall creature with gray scaly skin and filthy stringy hair chunks from top to bottom. And there at the bottom were his tasty toenails. His tail was bouncing up and down causing dust to float in the air. But his face was not visible.
Suddenly, Gowdesta belched out a war scream she’d learned from her Grandfather and started running toward the shog with her knife high in the air. Leetoo could not react in time.
When the shog heard the high piercing commotion, it turned around. It stood back in surprise seeing this little girl coming with a knife. It put its two arms out.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa little girl!”
Gowdesta slammed on her breaks and skidded in the dust.
He spoke?
“What’s with the knife, Leetoo?” The shog was now looking at Leetoo and shaking his one head with his one mouth.
Gowdesta was frozen in complete bafflement. The shog knew her Gradfather’s name? He could speak? She was breathing fast. Her stomach was moving in and out quickly.
“Papatoo?” Gowdesta did not understand at all.
Leetoo moved toward Gowdesta and pulled the knife from her hand. He addressed the shog. “Apologies friend. She knows not what she does,” he said.
“I don’t know, my friend. She looked pretty darn ready to chop off my toes,” the shog said with a chuckle.
“You speak?” Gowdesta asked.
“Course I speak,” the shog replied.
By this time Leetoo had reached the shog and the two embraced in an awkward hug.
“Hey, you got something for me?” The shog asked Leetoo.
Leetoo then reached into his pack and pulled out a package and handed it to the shog who immediately opened it. It was large portion of chocolate cake shavings.
“Aw, yes!” Said the shog. “Cake shavings!”
Gowdesta was still frozen in complete shock. She could not understand. This giant creature was as gentle as a fly-grub she was certain she just swallowed.
“Young Gowda, where are your manners? Come forward,” Leetoo said to his Granddaughter.
She slowly regained her ability to walk and came closer to the very, very, very tall shog. The shog was smiling.
“You like toenails little girl?” The shog asked her.
Gowdesta could only nod.
“She doesn’t know. Like the rest of them, it is all myths and legends and all are wrong,” Leetoo said.
The shog was tearing up the cake. “You said it pal. Your people sure have little going on up there,” the shog said tapping his head.
“Be nice, Sidney.” Leetoo scowled at the shog.
“He has a name?” Gowdesta finally spoke.
“Course I have a name!” Sidney said to Gowdesta. “It’s actually impossible for you all to pronounce my real name so this genius here came up with Sidney.” He was referring to Leetoo. “I was thinking more like Rex but that would just be confusing.” Sidney finished off the cake. “Thank your wife for me. She sure can bake, my man. She sure can bake.”
“Can I call you Sidney?” Gowdesta asked.
“Course you can. It’s growing on me,” Sidney said and immediately started to scratch at his tufts of hair. He could see Gowdesta still staring at his toenails. “Tell ya what, kid. You bring me some cheese sauce and I’ll give ya a toenail. Fair trade?”
“You don’t need cheese sauce, monster,” Leetoo said.
“Oh, now I’m a monster. Why, cause I believe in fair trade? Pft, you’re the monster.” Sidney went back to grooming.
“You’re lucky we saved you…” Leetto cut short his statement. Sidney frowned at him.
“Great. Cat’s out of the bag.” Sidney rolled his eyes. “Good going trivet.”
“I don’t understand,” Gowdesta said.
Both Sidney and Leetoo looked at each other.
“You tell her,” Sidney said to Leetoo. “I have cake on my teeth. Very unbecoming.” Sidney sat back down and created a dust cloud.
“Sit here a moment, Gowda. I will tell the tale.” Leetoo sat on a large rock and brought Gowdesta near to him. “Do you recall the shog story I’ve told many times?” He asked Gowdesta. She could only nod while her eyes were fixated on Sidney.
Sidney was licking his foot when he noticed Gowdesta staring. He stopped licking and looked back at her. “Hey, kid. Listen to the ancient one. He makes this story sound better every time I hear it.”
“Well, it isn’t really much of a story, is it Sidney?”
“It’s okay,” Sidney said; now busy gnawing on his shoulder.
Leetoo looked at Gowdesta. “The shog that saved Heetoo and your Grandfather from the water tornado that day…it was Sidney.”
Gowdesta looked at Sidney. He winked at her.
“This shog?” Gowdesta asked.
“Yep, me the hero shog,” Sidney said. He continued grooming himself.
“He waited until the storm passed, returned the boat to the surface and we climbed in safely. But, we no longer had the means to paddle back to shore. So, Sidney pushed us.” Leetoo smiled at Sidney.
“So, he saved you and Heetoo,” Gowdesta said.
“He did!” Leetoo said excitedly. “He saved us both.”
“Thank you Mr. Sidney. For saving my grandfather’s life.” Gowdesta stood before Sidney and curtsied.
Sidney looked at Leetoo and let out a huffy breath. “You see what you’ve done Leetoo?” Sidney said with indignation.
“Let it go my friend,” said Leetoo to Sidney.
“Can’t do that. Sorry.” Sidney turned to Gowdesta. “Here’s the truth kid. I didn’t save your Grandfather’s life. Or anyone’s life.”
“Truly Sidney,” Leetoo said. He sighed.
“Yeah, I know. You’re just a modest kind of guy. Well, your Granddaughter deserves the truth,” Sidney said to Leetoo. He then pulled Gowdesta away from her Grandfather. Pulled her in closely.
“Wow, you smell bad,” Gowdesta said and then chuckled.
“Focus Kid,” Sidney said. “Look, the truth is… I attacked your Grandfather and his clumsy friend that day.”
Gowdesta stood back to focus on Sidney’s entirety. “What?” She asked with complete confusion.
“Why must you do this you smelly oaf?” Leetoo turned away from them.
“That’s right. I attacked them and had every intention of eating their sorry little bony butts.” Sidney stood tall. There was a burden lifted. “Wow. I feel much better now that I’ve said that out loud.” Sidney smiled.
“I do not understand,” Gowdesta said.
“Well, here is what happened,” Leetoo started.
Sidney interrupted. “You had your chance old man. Step aside.” Sidney continued. “It’s true I did keep them alive when that storm caught them by surprise but I set them back in the boat to chew them up. I was hungry.”
“But you didn’t eat them,” Gowdesta said.
Sidney looked at Leetoo. “No. As you can see… I did not. But as I was preparing to bite into one of them, a shogging boat appeared out of nowhere.”
“It was in the water,” Gowdesta said.
“What are you, a wise cracker?” Sidney was annoyed.
“Sorry,” Gowdesta said and gave a look to her Grandfather who was smiling.
“Yes,” Sidney continued. “They were in the water. I was in the water. True drama. Next thing I know they fire this iron dart at me. Whoa! Lucky it missed. Now, I was in trouble. I had to leave and leave fast. What this shogging boat doesn’t see is this tiny boat next to me with your Grandfather and Heetoo Clumsy. As I was swimming away, I turned back to see that Clumsy was out of the boat and in the water. The idiot was pretending he was drowning. Your grandfather was acting up a storm about his drowning friend—help me, help me. Oh my unc, that was the worse acting I’d ever seen. But, truth is, their act forced the shoggers to stop and save the…” Sidney does air quotes with his giant delicious nails… “drowning man".”
“That’s how you got away?” Gowdesta was smiling. She looked at her hero Grandfather.
“Yeah, Gramps here saved me. I mean, I might have out-run them but their little show gave me the extra time I needed to get back to shore.”
They were all quiet. Gowdesta scratched her head. “Wait,” she said. Her nose was wrinkled and her lips puckered. “If you saved my grandfather and Heetoo, and they then saved you, why does everyone not know about this? Why do they all say you eat children and old people?”
Gowdesta wanted an answer. Neither her Grandfather nor Sidney had an answer. She put her hands on her hips. She looked at her Grandfather.
“Have you been lying to me, Grandpa?” Gowdesta was now frowning.
Leetoo came close to her and sat on the sand. He shook his head. “Yes, Gowda. I have been lying to you but there is a very good reason.”
“Yeah Kid. It’s a good reason,” said Sidney, who went back to self-grooming.
“Hush, you,” Leetoo said to Sidney. Sidney shrugged and continued grooming himself. His large tongue was sticking out onto his bottom lip.
Leetoo held Gowdesta’s little shoulders. “I had to lie to you and everyone about this shog. I needed everyone to fear the beast so that none would come looking to kill him.” Gowdesta looked at Sidney. Sidney was grinning.
“So, you lied to keep people from looking for him?” Gowdesta asked. She kept looking at Sidney.
“Yes. My story was half truth but I could not tell of the shogging boat and make Sidney sound like a coward for running.”
“Hey,” Sidney protested.
“In your story, you and Heetoo row home after the Shog saved you. I never thought to ask how you got away.” Gowdesta was off pondering in her mind. It was all making sense to her.
“I did leave many holes in the story but no one questioned. As a leader in the community I was never doubted. It was very difficult for me to continue with the lie to you so I brought you here to give you the truth and to say that it is now your duty to help keep Sidney safe. You must hold this secret within your heart and never breathe the true words to any Hojomi. Can you swear to this?”
Gowdesta was near tears. She loved her Grandfather more, very much more at that moment. He was a true person with a heart so big that she was certain she could hear it beating through his strong tanned chest. Sidney was still. She looked at him closely. He was crying.
“I never had a friend like your Grandfather. He’s the real deal, Kid.” Sidney nodded and put his big hairy mitt onto Leetoo’s shoulder.
“He is my hero,” Gowdesta said.
“Aw. Group hug. C’mon,” Sidney said and then pulled Gowdesta and Leetoo into his stinky body.
“Eww… You smell so bad,” Gowdesta complained.
“Indeed you do,” Leetoo agreed.
“What is this? I open up at this crucial touching moment and all I get in return is grief about my odor?” Sidney was indignant. “I tell ya. This is what happens when a shog allows his emotions to surface…”
Leetoo looked at Gowdesta and rolled his eyes. Gowdesta smiled.
Sidney continued his indignant speech. “Sure I’m big and smell atrocious but is it my fault they don’t make soap on a rope in my size? No. I am a shog and shogs smell. Did I ever tell you about my cousin Jagaday-Nequal-Eezdoo-Pagamoo-Grazjo-Ploomeeka? Now that guy really smelled bad… we called him Cacapoo. Whew! He stunk on ice!”
They all laughed.
Sidney stopped laughing. "What's ice?"
Her dark wavy hair lay partially over her cheeky face, which had been pinched by the village ladies, “just too many times”, Gowdesta would always complain. Her Father, Jedoma Hatoochi, repeated the same thing each time she complained about having her cheeks pinched, “The price a pretty girl must pay sometimes.” She disliked that answer as much as the pinching.
Gowdesta was a fiery young girl with a long list of likes and dislikes. Her greatest like was spending time with her Grandfather, who always had a new adventure for them and today was more special because today they would hunt for a Two Headed One Mouth Shog. Most Hojomis had never seen a Shog but Gowdesta’s Grandfather promised up and sideways that he had seen a THOMS on numerous occasions and he would prove it to her today.
The shog story he loved to tell and retell included him and his longtime friend, Heetoo Stimani. Heetoo was an islander most Hojomis considered legged and dangerous because his clumsiness frequently sent him tumbling to the ground more than once a day. They laughed and called him, Heetoo Clumsy.
The story goes that while the two were fishing the deep green waters of Shog Strait, a tantamount storm, also known as a water tornado, suddenly appeared and made their lives appear somewhat at an end. Leetoo and Heetoo knew that trying to fight their way back to shore would be a useless endeavor. They both smiled their brilliant white teeth at each other, shook arms and jovially pronounced the Hojomi motto; “Hey, there be life in them struggles!” and gut laughed at each other.
The two Holomi men sat there saying their goodbyes and facing their fate when suddenly a burst of water gurgled up near their boat. It was as if a volcano was coming to the surface. They both held their breath waiting and holding on tight when suddenly, there within the fizzy sea foam, appeared a teethy, scaly shog. Leetoo and Heetoo were in awe and paralyzed at the sight of the fearsome looking creature. Without warning the shog grabbed their small boat and tipped it over, sending both men into the water.
Under the swirling dark, tumultuous green sea, Leetoo kicked to become upright and he then could see Heetoo also employing the acrobatic maneuver and regaining his wits. But suddenly their small boat was plunged under the water, upside-down between the two men. The shog then appeared under water as well holding their boat and forcing it to remain under water. The shog looked at Leetoo and gestured—yes the creature gestured. He wanted them to go under the boat. With little breath to complain they both swam under the boat and found a pocket of air where to exhale and then eagerly inhale and cough up the seawater.
Inside the submerged boat, Leetoo and Heetoo could hear the water tornado passing overhead while the shog struggled to keep the boat steady. They could hardly find a word to say but their eyes spoke fathoms. The shog was saving their lives.
Leetoo looked to Heetoo and nodded, “Why showing he the kindness?”
Heetoo smiled. “Perhaps tasting is best salted!”
They both had to laugh—for they had survived one fate only to be swallowed by a second. Suddenly, the boat was lifted and set right on the water. Leetoo and Heetoo surfaced and took giant breaths. They hurriedly climbed into their boat but no sooner were they prepared to get away did the shog come out of the water with his large mouth open and ready to swallow them.
What happened next was sheer luck. As the shog pulled the small boat towards him, a shogging boat appeared not far away. The shog was alarmed and angry. His feast was interrupted. The shog looked at Leetoo and Heetoo and growled. He then violently plunged into the water, narrowly escaping a harpoon shot by the shogging boat. The shogging boat saved Leetoo and Heetoo.
Gowdesta’s eyes lit up. Finally, she could see her Grandfather coming up the worn path through the thick green jungle that surrounded her home by the sea. She hopped off her seat, grabbed her pack that was sitting nearby and headed outside. As she reached him she dropped her pack and leaped up into his arms and towards his smiling face.
“Papatoo,” she yelped. She hugged his neck so hard she could feel every tough whisker of his beard. He smelled of the island.
“My Gowda!” Leetoo called to her. This was his short name for his granddaughter. She liked the nickname he chose for her and he was the only one who used it. “Oh, you must be eeteng much of the fruit these days then. So big you are,” he said to her with a chuckle.
“And the fish and greens like you always say,” Gowdesta answered him with a prideful nod.
“That is good,” Leetoo said as he set her back down to the ground. He reached back into a bag he was carrying and pulled out a rolled up parchment.
Gowdesta's eyes followed the parchment as he held it in his two hands. “What is that?” She asked with a soft escape of air from her belly.
“Well,” Leetoo started, “some might say this is a parchment. And some might say this is a birthday gift. But you know what I say it is?”
Gowdesta shrugged with her little mouth open and her eyes fixated on the parchment, which looked very worn and old. Leetoo came down to one knee and unrolled the parchment on the sand. Gowdesta’s eyes lit up. It was a very old map of the Hojomi Kees Island.
“A map to the darkest unknown,” he said mysteriously.
“Oh,” Gowdesta said. “Is this mine?”
“Indeed it is,” her Grandfather said happily.
Leetoo Hatoochi was a fine example of the Hojomi people. He was tall, strong, had good white teeth and seemed quite young for his age. This was a trait shared by most, if not all the Poneet Islands people who had occupied the seven-island chain since before recorded history.
Hojomi Kees Island was the farthest east in the string of Poneet Islands. It was small and seemed to go unnoticed by the other larger islands and this was just fine with the Hojomi. They fished, cultivated multitudes of fruits and greens and had many creatures running throughout the island for grand feasting. It was a good place to live.
Leetoo held the parchment open while Gowdesta scanned the map with her darting eyes.
"Here,” Leetoo pointed to a region on the map that appeared to be cliffs on the coast of Shog Strait. “This is where we find our shog!”
Gowdesta was determined to get herself a shog and enjoy the creature’s toenails, for it was said that the shog had mighty tasty toenails, which were larger than hydro-melons and crispier than eltrut shells.
“Is this where the shog lives?” Gowdesta asked.
Leetoo rolled up the map and placed it into her bag. “For many years have I watched this shog. I know it like the back of my hand’s hairs. I know its habits. The food it eats, the creatures it seeks. When it swims. When it meditates.“
“It meditates?”
“I have felt its breathings on my face while it slumbered and this is a thing no Hojomi would care to experience. For the shog’s breath is rotten bad like mixed creature goots.”
Gowdesta shivered. It sounded nasty. She could almost smell it and she gagged involuntarily.
Leetoo stood tall. “You ready?”
“Yes, yes, yes,” Gowdesta danced.
Soon, they were walking through the forest at a good pace. The terrain was challenging for someone Gowdesta’s size. The path was rugged and rocky and obscured by large floppy green leaves. Gowdesta’s short tanned legs kept pace with her Grandfather’s enormous stride. Her breathing was part fatigue and part excitement.
“Are we near, Papatoo?” She asked.
“We are. Maybe fifty breaths and a creek leap away,” Leetoo answered with an ominous sound in his voice.
His eyes showed fear and the natural sounds of the forest added to the ambiance of foreboding. Gowdesta was becoming frightened. The distance to the cliffs from her home was not very far and when she thought about this it made her feel unsafe. She lived so very close to a Two-Headed One Mouth Shog this whole time and she was never aware. She thought of her Mother and Father and worried for their safety.
Leetoo suddenly stopped and Gowdesta ran into him.
“Grandpa!” she barked.
Her grandfather shushed her. He slowly knelt to one knee and took her shoulder and pointed to a cave that was well hidden within the jungle of vines, trees and large rocks. “There he be, young Gowda,” Leetoo said to her with a trembling whisper.
Gowdesta’s heart was pounding fiercely in her chest and her small mouth had fallen open. Leetoo took his finger, placed it under her chin and shut her mouth.
“Many flying grub in the jungle,” he said to her.
Letto stood again and started towards the cave. Gowdesta pulled his hand.
“What is it?” He asked her.
“Is this the shog’s home?” Gowdesta asked.
“This be the shog’s home,” he said.
Gowdesta reached into her pack and pulled out a knife. “You’ll need this,” she whispered to her Grandfather.
Leetoo held in a laugh. “How you come by this knife?” He asked her. “Very dangerous,” he said and slipped the knife away from view.
He put his finger to his lips and shushed her again. “Come,” he said.
He started walking toward the cave and Gowdesta followed. Her eyes were darting uncontrollably and her mouth was open again. She looked up to her Grandfather and reached back to her pack and retrieved another knife. She kept it from his view as they were moving closer to the darkness of the cave.
Some brush snapped under their feet and they both stopped. Leetoo looked back at her. He repeated the shushing quietly with his fingers on his lips. Gowdesta nodded. They started up again inching closer to the now very large cave opening and suddenly… there he was, the Two Headed One Mouth Shog. He sat with his back to Leetoo and Gowdesta. He was sitting quietly looking at the sky. His hump and tail were enormous. Gowdesta’s eyes were near to popping out their sockets.
Then Gowdesta’s voice squeaked. She pulled out her second knife. She stared in sheer shock at the sight of this two person tall creature with gray scaly skin and filthy stringy hair chunks from top to bottom. And there at the bottom were his tasty toenails. His tail was bouncing up and down causing dust to float in the air. But his face was not visible.
Suddenly, Gowdesta belched out a war scream she’d learned from her Grandfather and started running toward the shog with her knife high in the air. Leetoo could not react in time.
When the shog heard the high piercing commotion, it turned around. It stood back in surprise seeing this little girl coming with a knife. It put its two arms out.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa little girl!”
Gowdesta slammed on her breaks and skidded in the dust.
He spoke?
“What’s with the knife, Leetoo?” The shog was now looking at Leetoo and shaking his one head with his one mouth.
Gowdesta was frozen in complete bafflement. The shog knew her Gradfather’s name? He could speak? She was breathing fast. Her stomach was moving in and out quickly.
“Papatoo?” Gowdesta did not understand at all.
Leetoo moved toward Gowdesta and pulled the knife from her hand. He addressed the shog. “Apologies friend. She knows not what she does,” he said.
“I don’t know, my friend. She looked pretty darn ready to chop off my toes,” the shog said with a chuckle.
“You speak?” Gowdesta asked.
“Course I speak,” the shog replied.
By this time Leetoo had reached the shog and the two embraced in an awkward hug.
“Hey, you got something for me?” The shog asked Leetoo.
Leetoo then reached into his pack and pulled out a package and handed it to the shog who immediately opened it. It was large portion of chocolate cake shavings.
“Aw, yes!” Said the shog. “Cake shavings!”
Gowdesta was still frozen in complete shock. She could not understand. This giant creature was as gentle as a fly-grub she was certain she just swallowed.
“Young Gowda, where are your manners? Come forward,” Leetoo said to his Granddaughter.
She slowly regained her ability to walk and came closer to the very, very, very tall shog. The shog was smiling.
“You like toenails little girl?” The shog asked her.
Gowdesta could only nod.
“She doesn’t know. Like the rest of them, it is all myths and legends and all are wrong,” Leetoo said.
The shog was tearing up the cake. “You said it pal. Your people sure have little going on up there,” the shog said tapping his head.
“Be nice, Sidney.” Leetoo scowled at the shog.
“He has a name?” Gowdesta finally spoke.
“Course I have a name!” Sidney said to Gowdesta. “It’s actually impossible for you all to pronounce my real name so this genius here came up with Sidney.” He was referring to Leetoo. “I was thinking more like Rex but that would just be confusing.” Sidney finished off the cake. “Thank your wife for me. She sure can bake, my man. She sure can bake.”
“Can I call you Sidney?” Gowdesta asked.
“Course you can. It’s growing on me,” Sidney said and immediately started to scratch at his tufts of hair. He could see Gowdesta still staring at his toenails. “Tell ya what, kid. You bring me some cheese sauce and I’ll give ya a toenail. Fair trade?”
“You don’t need cheese sauce, monster,” Leetoo said.
“Oh, now I’m a monster. Why, cause I believe in fair trade? Pft, you’re the monster.” Sidney went back to grooming.
“You’re lucky we saved you…” Leetto cut short his statement. Sidney frowned at him.
“Great. Cat’s out of the bag.” Sidney rolled his eyes. “Good going trivet.”
“I don’t understand,” Gowdesta said.
Both Sidney and Leetoo looked at each other.
“You tell her,” Sidney said to Leetoo. “I have cake on my teeth. Very unbecoming.” Sidney sat back down and created a dust cloud.
“Sit here a moment, Gowda. I will tell the tale.” Leetoo sat on a large rock and brought Gowdesta near to him. “Do you recall the shog story I’ve told many times?” He asked Gowdesta. She could only nod while her eyes were fixated on Sidney.
Sidney was licking his foot when he noticed Gowdesta staring. He stopped licking and looked back at her. “Hey, kid. Listen to the ancient one. He makes this story sound better every time I hear it.”
“Well, it isn’t really much of a story, is it Sidney?”
“It’s okay,” Sidney said; now busy gnawing on his shoulder.
Leetoo looked at Gowdesta. “The shog that saved Heetoo and your Grandfather from the water tornado that day…it was Sidney.”
Gowdesta looked at Sidney. He winked at her.
“This shog?” Gowdesta asked.
“Yep, me the hero shog,” Sidney said. He continued grooming himself.
“He waited until the storm passed, returned the boat to the surface and we climbed in safely. But, we no longer had the means to paddle back to shore. So, Sidney pushed us.” Leetoo smiled at Sidney.
“So, he saved you and Heetoo,” Gowdesta said.
“He did!” Leetoo said excitedly. “He saved us both.”
“Thank you Mr. Sidney. For saving my grandfather’s life.” Gowdesta stood before Sidney and curtsied.
Sidney looked at Leetoo and let out a huffy breath. “You see what you’ve done Leetoo?” Sidney said with indignation.
“Let it go my friend,” said Leetoo to Sidney.
“Can’t do that. Sorry.” Sidney turned to Gowdesta. “Here’s the truth kid. I didn’t save your Grandfather’s life. Or anyone’s life.”
“Truly Sidney,” Leetoo said. He sighed.
“Yeah, I know. You’re just a modest kind of guy. Well, your Granddaughter deserves the truth,” Sidney said to Leetoo. He then pulled Gowdesta away from her Grandfather. Pulled her in closely.
“Wow, you smell bad,” Gowdesta said and then chuckled.
“Focus Kid,” Sidney said. “Look, the truth is… I attacked your Grandfather and his clumsy friend that day.”
Gowdesta stood back to focus on Sidney’s entirety. “What?” She asked with complete confusion.
“Why must you do this you smelly oaf?” Leetoo turned away from them.
“That’s right. I attacked them and had every intention of eating their sorry little bony butts.” Sidney stood tall. There was a burden lifted. “Wow. I feel much better now that I’ve said that out loud.” Sidney smiled.
“I do not understand,” Gowdesta said.
“Well, here is what happened,” Leetoo started.
Sidney interrupted. “You had your chance old man. Step aside.” Sidney continued. “It’s true I did keep them alive when that storm caught them by surprise but I set them back in the boat to chew them up. I was hungry.”
“But you didn’t eat them,” Gowdesta said.
Sidney looked at Leetoo. “No. As you can see… I did not. But as I was preparing to bite into one of them, a shogging boat appeared out of nowhere.”
“It was in the water,” Gowdesta said.
“What are you, a wise cracker?” Sidney was annoyed.
“Sorry,” Gowdesta said and gave a look to her Grandfather who was smiling.
“Yes,” Sidney continued. “They were in the water. I was in the water. True drama. Next thing I know they fire this iron dart at me. Whoa! Lucky it missed. Now, I was in trouble. I had to leave and leave fast. What this shogging boat doesn’t see is this tiny boat next to me with your Grandfather and Heetoo Clumsy. As I was swimming away, I turned back to see that Clumsy was out of the boat and in the water. The idiot was pretending he was drowning. Your grandfather was acting up a storm about his drowning friend—help me, help me. Oh my unc, that was the worse acting I’d ever seen. But, truth is, their act forced the shoggers to stop and save the…” Sidney does air quotes with his giant delicious nails… “drowning man".”
“That’s how you got away?” Gowdesta was smiling. She looked at her hero Grandfather.
“Yeah, Gramps here saved me. I mean, I might have out-run them but their little show gave me the extra time I needed to get back to shore.”
They were all quiet. Gowdesta scratched her head. “Wait,” she said. Her nose was wrinkled and her lips puckered. “If you saved my grandfather and Heetoo, and they then saved you, why does everyone not know about this? Why do they all say you eat children and old people?”
Gowdesta wanted an answer. Neither her Grandfather nor Sidney had an answer. She put her hands on her hips. She looked at her Grandfather.
“Have you been lying to me, Grandpa?” Gowdesta was now frowning.
Leetoo came close to her and sat on the sand. He shook his head. “Yes, Gowda. I have been lying to you but there is a very good reason.”
“Yeah Kid. It’s a good reason,” said Sidney, who went back to self-grooming.
“Hush, you,” Leetoo said to Sidney. Sidney shrugged and continued grooming himself. His large tongue was sticking out onto his bottom lip.
Leetoo held Gowdesta’s little shoulders. “I had to lie to you and everyone about this shog. I needed everyone to fear the beast so that none would come looking to kill him.” Gowdesta looked at Sidney. Sidney was grinning.
“So, you lied to keep people from looking for him?” Gowdesta asked. She kept looking at Sidney.
“Yes. My story was half truth but I could not tell of the shogging boat and make Sidney sound like a coward for running.”
“Hey,” Sidney protested.
“In your story, you and Heetoo row home after the Shog saved you. I never thought to ask how you got away.” Gowdesta was off pondering in her mind. It was all making sense to her.
“I did leave many holes in the story but no one questioned. As a leader in the community I was never doubted. It was very difficult for me to continue with the lie to you so I brought you here to give you the truth and to say that it is now your duty to help keep Sidney safe. You must hold this secret within your heart and never breathe the true words to any Hojomi. Can you swear to this?”
Gowdesta was near tears. She loved her Grandfather more, very much more at that moment. He was a true person with a heart so big that she was certain she could hear it beating through his strong tanned chest. Sidney was still. She looked at him closely. He was crying.
“I never had a friend like your Grandfather. He’s the real deal, Kid.” Sidney nodded and put his big hairy mitt onto Leetoo’s shoulder.
“He is my hero,” Gowdesta said.
“Aw. Group hug. C’mon,” Sidney said and then pulled Gowdesta and Leetoo into his stinky body.
“Eww… You smell so bad,” Gowdesta complained.
“Indeed you do,” Leetoo agreed.
“What is this? I open up at this crucial touching moment and all I get in return is grief about my odor?” Sidney was indignant. “I tell ya. This is what happens when a shog allows his emotions to surface…”
Leetoo looked at Gowdesta and rolled his eyes. Gowdesta smiled.
Sidney continued his indignant speech. “Sure I’m big and smell atrocious but is it my fault they don’t make soap on a rope in my size? No. I am a shog and shogs smell. Did I ever tell you about my cousin Jagaday-Nequal-Eezdoo-Pagamoo-Grazjo-Ploomeeka? Now that guy really smelled bad… we called him Cacapoo. Whew! He stunk on ice!”
They all laughed.
Sidney stopped laughing. "What's ice?"