VOL. I No. 003
© Mujand LLC
ZILCHY, MUJAND REPUBLIC
July 3, 2015
ILLUMI CLAIMS MUJAND SUN
A NEW CURRENCY?
KUNINGANNA TERRITORY --
Ikiir Munny, spokesman for, Kanishscig, an advocacy group for “All Stuff Sensible”, has released a statement against the large sized White Fusto banknote from the Kuninganna Territory, saying, "I'm okay with the naked Queen on our currency, but the notes are so large I must carry my Wife's purse to hold these papers when I go for a drink!"
FEMALE BACK LASH
Several Women's advocacy groups have protested the inclusion of the nude photo of Anya Qesh on the banknote. Horzen Façek, spokesperson for, Unappreciated Gals Like You, released this statement; "It is sad to see that even in this day, women are still exploited. Anya Qesh was a bad role model and should not be on our currency".
Banknote designer Lylesh Reyme completely disagrees stating, "Anya Qesh embodied a strong and independent woman and, as we have been preached to on many occasions, owned her own body and no despotic entity had the right to regulate it."
A NEW FUSTO
The Kuninganna Territory and the Ministry of Finance, will redesign and release a new banknote series. The Harvest Maven will celebrate the government's Harvest Camp program which places displaced workers into camps where they will learn the ways of harvesting for the benefit of the country. The White Fusto will be phased out in favor of a smaller, more sensibly sized banknote. Watch for more details soon.
DOBIT STREET, ZILCHY
Indamentum Beauty & Spa, (IBS) has seen its stock rise significantly on reported earnings of 1.53 Zilchy a share. Company president and CEO, Dawvi Hennah, said this on a stock holders conference call this past week, "We see more potential in the coming years. Reports of the Alluviam mud source decreasing was a rumor spread by our rivals. Truth is, we have no rivals. We are the only game in town." Her confidence has boosted the stock price, which is still climbing.
INDUMENTUM B&S (IBS) - Dobit
NEW TO THE MARKET
Plasmonica, Inc. could be developing a device which could detect ghostly energies and render the darkness a non-hiding place for spooks.
Gurlee & Co., Inc. is said to be developing a clothing line made of a fabric that will have the ability to take the surrounding light and give off the illusion of slimness.
The women's group, Unappreciated Gals Like You, has already expressed anger over this idea.
ILLUMI OWNS THE MUJAND SUN
MIGHT AS WELL BE RIPPING ON THE SUN
Space exploration giant, Illumi, Inc. has claimed a successful breach into the Mujand Sun’s atmosphere, a feat thought impossible by the Blissdane Naive scienteering community. The launch of the X-Bree2 FiReater space probe in 2013, reached the Mujand Sun four weeks ago and began conducting scheduled experiments before firing its rockets into the gaseous flames. According to Illumi Scientists the probe fell silent for 43.52 minutes before returning from the Sun’s atmosphere. The probe immediately started sending streams of collected data.
The data being analyzed by the Drusland Government and Illumi, who refuse to share with other scienteers or governments, will have a huge impact in understanding the Sun and its potential for direct raw energy. Illumi’s goal is to tap the Sun’s source of energy for distribution and consumption.
Drusland’s refusal to share the data has met with speculation that their claim is false and that the probe did not survive. Drusland officials state that the data will be made available when they are complete with their investigation of tests conducted and data received.
Consumer groups have already started to campaign against the idea of charging for the Mujand Sun’s energy. Consumer advocate, Balli Booshta, said recently outside her office, “We will take this to the Serene Court. Nobody owns the Sun. And surely not those socialist fascists.” The Drusland Government condemned her statement calling it hurtful and racist.
Meanwhile attorney Dante Tawshme has been attained by several consumer groups to argue against Illumi and the Drusland Government.
OF LIFE AND MONEY
The Serine Court will hear arguments next month in favor of Drusland professor Aboort Laph Yavod’s proposal that life’s beginning in naivmids cannot start until infants know they are alive. This idea has upset politicians and religions planet-wide. “Dusland is laying the groundwork for the slaughter of unborn infants and senile adults to help with its financial crisis,” said Mujand Republic Senator, Jant Bowdry.
The Jandican Church’s head Pompatoos, Excori Damus, has come out in strong opposition to this notion stating, “Awareness is not a factor in life. Perhaps Professor Yavod will next claim that we die when we fall asleep or that goldfish should be sent to firing squads. Life is in itself a miracle and something that cannot be determined by mere mortals. Only Unc has this authority.”
Angee Nosteeka will represent the Jandican Church to rebut Professor Yavod’s claim. Her office released a prepared statement.
“We firmly disagree with Drusland’s attempt to clean up its books at the expense of naivmid life. Their choice to engage in a political system, which is a proven failure, should not be solved by the taking of life. It should not be as easy as erasing an accounting entry. They will have to answer for this if they engage in such barbarism.”
Professor Yavod could not be reached for comment.
SOLAR ENERGY NO LONGER FREE?
I'LL SWALLOW THE SUN
ZILCHY, MUJAND REPUBLIC --
The Serenity Courts will begin hearing arguments today on the validity of space exploration giant, Illumi, Inc.'s claim to the Mujand Sun following the company's successful breach into the Sun's atmosphere.
Dante Tawshme, attorney arguing against Illmi's claim, spoke briefly before going into court. "Will this mean every time someone uses the sun in a song, movie or literature that a royalty fee will have to be paid? Preposterous."
A judgment should be reached within a year.
YOU'RE GETTING SLEEPY
A device that gives the body all the needed benefits of sleep in 3 hours has been invented. The machine guides the brain through all REM stages as well as refreshing and rejuvenating the body. The machine’s inventor, Pirvan Zeesgiva, says that his goal is to expand the machine’s ability to enable the body to receive sleep’s benefits in less than 30 minutes, eventually selling single units for home use.
Sleep researchers are skeptical and have alerted the public to not use the machine until further research is completed. They fear the machine could possibly cause sleep disorders.
In related news, inventor Pagoda Renelle has created a device that can alter dreams. It is in its early stages of development but sources close to the inventor say that the device will enable the user to choose the direction of their dreams. More is not known at this time.