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VOL. I No. 07
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© Mujand LLC
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ZILCHY, MUJAND REPUBLIC
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August 15, 2017
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Free
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BIO-LUMINESCENT WORLD FOUND
CURRENCY NEWSTHE PIRATE CURRENCY TARROWVA, LIA ANTOOTICA - The Lia Antootica and Andaqesh Governments have jointly announced the release of a collection of banknotes previously kept from public viewing for hundreds of years. The Andaqesh Registry of Records (ARR) located the banknotes in its vaults and together with Lia Antootica have unclassified the banknotes detailing the country’s historical conflict. These banknotes will be released to the public for historical purposes. Gred Fragliony, ARR’s Managing Director said in a press release; "These banknotes are so disturbing we argued for nearly a year on whether or not to release these vile things to the public. In the end it was decided the historical value out-weighed the disturbing nature of these banknotes.” The story of the Founding Pirates take over of Lia Antootica has somehow evaded public interest but now the story of a heinous act will be told. *See Pirate story in this issue MORE
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Sergi Fonte
THE DERA PEOPLE DISCOVEREDToroguay - Two years ago, scienteers reported that the Mujand Republic’s terrain charting satellite, The Obvient, had detected an illumination coming from the western jungles of Toroguay where there was none before. Last year, environmentalist, Sergi Fonte and a team of researchers set out to discover what it was the orbiting data gathering craft was seeing from space.
“This remote and uncharted area of Toroguay is well known for its inhospitable terrain,” said Dr. Fonte, but his team not only found the source of the illumination but also discovered a people long thought to be extinct; the Derã. This long lost tribe went unnoticed by the modern world until they were found living strong, deep within the Toroguay jungle. “We believe the Derã regressed deep into the harsh jungles as modern man started to populate Toroguay,” Dr. Fonte said. “As far as I know, the Toroguay government did not know they were here in this rain forest.” According to Dr. Fonte, the team struggled to communicate with the tribe’s leaders and a Toroguay linguist was brought in to help with the translation effort. Once the linguist arrived, Dr. Fonte and his team were able to communicate with the Dera leaders. When asked about the illumination source, Dr. Fonte and his team were taken deeper into the jungle. What they found surprised them. Within the forest was a host of bioluminescent amphibians in the thousands as well as new species of fungus and tree sap. The amphibia were of every order of lizard, snake and the most abundant and giving off the most illumination was a frog Dr. Fonte dubbed, the Anura Luciferin. According to Dr. Fonte, the illuminating amphibians must have evolved from the nearby sea, where bioluminescent creatures and seaweeds do exist. Dr. Fonte and his team’s detailed findings are long overdue and it is the lack of these reports that have scienteers and fringe groups talking of conspiracies and cover-up. THE COVER UP -- ANOMALY THEORY Wince Emit, a time anomaly enthusiast, posed this question recently at the Time Out Conference; “Don’t you think it’s a little strange that Dr. Fonte’s team was so very interested in the glowing jungle and has shown very little curiosity as to the sudden arrival of the, thought to be extinct, Derã tribe?” According to Wince Emit, Dr. Fonte’s theories as to how the Derã people were able to go unnoticed are bunk. He and many of his followers believe it’s because the Derã tribe have just arrived from the past and the bioluminescent creatures and plants came along for the ride. “There is no way that this glowing rain forest has somehow evaded our satellites for all these years. It’s bunk!” We asked Mr. Emit why he thought the Chasm X research team would not be involved if there were any evidence of a time event in this location. “I rest my case,” was all he said. Emit concluded the interview by accusing Dr. Fonte and the Toroguay government of a cover-up. “Plain and simple, the Derã people have just arrived and the Toroguay government is trying to hide this fact for who knows what reason.” We reached a Chasm X spokesperson and they said this about the Toroguay glowing rain forest. “It’s simple all right. There is nothing here that leads us to believe this is a time anomaly event. We have no reason to investigate.” The Mujand Investigator will continue to watch this story. TOROGUAY BANKNOTES The Toroguay Monetary Reserve has announced a new series of banknotes to be released featuring Segi Fonte, Queen Luzi Do Brilho, the Derã people as well as the Anura Luciferin and other bioluminescent creatures. 
Poneet Boss. Still 2 Zilchy a pack!
SCIENCE NEWS
Dr. Doleena Rorrim
REFLECTIONS THEORY
Who Lights up Your Life? The once notable physicist Dr. Doleena Rorrim has released a theory that has caused many in the scienteering community great concern. There are calls for an involuntary committal to an institute for evaluation after she theorized the possibility that the reflection world is the real world and that we are the reflection of its light. The real world can be seen in mirrors and water and other reflective surfaces. Dr. Stun Axia, a colleague and close friend, has taken Dr. Rorrim to her home and is under his care. “I am saddened by the reaction to her theory,” Dr. Axia said. “Doleena has always been a frank and direct person. Although I too have issues with her theory, that is no reason to attack her and label her incompetent.” At her home in Arth, Toozuela, where she has gone into hiding after the reaction to her theory, she agreed to grant us a few questions. MI: How did the theory of the reflection world come about? DR: Quite by accident. I was in my office working when I happened to look at a window because the wind had suddenly picked up outside. Looking at the reflection of myself on the glass I just could see the light waves bouncing away from me and reflecting myself toward the glass for the real me to see on the other side, which is the real world.” MI: Do you plan to keep working on this theory and is there any way that it can be proven? DR: “Indeed I do plan to keep working on this theory. But it’s only a theory until someone else sees what I saw and then it becomes an elusive vision. Much like the witnessed white holes on the Kerajaan Islands.” Dr. Axia cut the interview short at this point. The Mujand Investigator has learned that Dr. Rorrim has been admitted into a facility for observation. MEDICAL NEWSLMNOPee
Forbistad, Provincia Vis – Forbistad Memorial reports that a patient who had been in a coma for twelve years was not in his bed when a nurse arrived to care for him. “When it was learned that he was missing from his hospital room the staff began a mad search,” said the patient’s caretaker, Doctor Pame. The search went on for thirty minutes until the patient was spotted returning from the bathroom. When asked about his adventure to the bathroom, the man crawled back into bed and replied, “I really had to pee. But I’m still pretty sleepy.” According to reports, the Doctors and Nurses present in the room at the time laughed, thinking the patient was jesting. But they soon realized that he had indeed fallen asleep and eventually back into a coma. “It’s the damnedest thing we’d ever seen,” continued Dr. Pame. “The patient awoke and traveled to find a bathroom to urinate then returned to his bed and fell back into a coma.” As of today, the patient is still in a coma. Twelve years and counting. WEIRD NATUREA KALEIDOSCOPE OF SUNSETS
Neimendal, Evshlohogi Islands – The Evshlohogi Islands are home to a long-standing mystery that is still baffling the scienteering community. Discovered many centuries ago and still unexplained, the five-island nation is the only place on Blissdane Naive where the sunset changes color. The prism of colors are unpredictable and still a joy to witness and a major attraction for visiting people. “It is the queerest thing I’ve ever seen,” said scienteer, Dr. Fodche Dadat. “We’ve investigated the area weather patterns, the atmosphere conditions and many other factors and possibilities and still we are dumbfounded.” Another discovery that could be linked to these colored sunsets is the sea life. Most notably are the fish, which have evolved into colorful, odd looking species of all kinds. One infamous group has emerged with its own theory. The anti-government group, Naysayers Unmasking The Shroud, is suggesting a government cover-up. “We suspect the Evshlohogi government, in conjunction with other world powers, are conducting some kind of experiment in connection with the atmosphere. It’s all about controlling the planet’s system,” says founding member of NUTS, Georjio Addaps. “NUTS plans to visit Evshlohogi soon and we will expose this dangerous experiment.” Dr. Dadat admits that no single theory has emerged that comes close to explaining the phenomenon but says that government conspiracies were inevitable to surface, due to the lack of a solid scientific explanation. “I could say that we should spend resources here to find the answers but I think this one should be allowed to exist without too much probing. Just sit back, and enjoy the sunset, whichever color it chooses to give us.” UPDATE:
Something's going on with the Evshlohogi Islands. It would appear their banknotes have been tampered with. Although the government has issued a recall, no one is returning these tampered notes to banks, choosing to keep them instead. Someone we'd rather not acknowledge, has been blogging about it... Is it real? It's a bit strange and spooky... |
ENDANGERED?Poneet Islands, Port Avastus - The Poneet Islands government has petitioned the Serene Courts and SMACU to place the Shog on the world’s endangered species list. Although this legendary creature has not been seen for over a century, the petitioners insist there are still some hiding within their jungles as well as within the waters around the Poneet Islands and the country of the Ervescent Coast.
Garba Manmin, Director General for the Society of Nearly Dead Animals, has rejected the petition saying, “We can’t place a species on the endangered species list if the species is extinct. The Shog is extinct and has not been seen for over 116 years.” The petitioners argue that to expose the Shog would mean its certain demise. They insist the Shog must remain in hiding. This has prompted several adventure groups to go to the Poneet Island chain to search for the elusive Shog. Many critics are now saying that the Poneet Islands were merely seeking publicity and tourism. Dr. Sebatian Meely, a paleobiologist at the University of Evshlohogi, has his suspicions. “If the Shog has not been seen for over one hundred years, why even bring it up? Unless you want to drum up a little tourism.” The Poneet Islands government rejects these claims and announces that it will protect the Shog at all costs. Dr. Meely replied with this quip. “I have a few Shog bones they might be able to protect for me. For a while.” STRANGE NEWS
Ex-Model Rainy Zera
WOMAN'S FACE CONTORTS
Blames excessive personal phone use Nalim, Sima Senco - A twenty-four year old female model in Sima Senco claims that half of her face has contorted due to excessive personal phone use. "I felt it coming on but didn't know it was because of the phone," said Rainy Zera. "Why haven't we been warned of this possibility?" Robin Hoos, attorney for Ms. Zera, said that they will file a lawsuit against all personal phone manufacturers and their affiliates for a sum yet to be determined. "My client has been damaged beyond repair and it has ended her modeling career, which was a giant part of her life. These phone manufacturers and their component and software affiliates, have robbed Ms. Zera of her beauty, her livelihood and her self-respect." When asked what scientific research has determined that personal phones are causing these facials distortions, Ms. Hoos responded with a question. "Do we want to wait for science to tell us we are seeing a distorted face on Ms. Zera? There is the proof. We don't need doctors to explain what we are seeing." The Mujand Investigator reached out to several personal phone manufacturers, receiving but one response. Beachball CEO, Roddit Ucker Keedeeng, had this to say, "Ms. Zera and her attorney could have just as easily blamed cameras and the excessive flashing. Perhaps the camera flashes Ms. Zera subjected herself to for years finally showed her real face." A war of words commenced after Mr. Keedeeng's comments. "I expected as much from a cold-hearted CEO like R.U. Keedeeng. I know him and his Beachball bum board of directors. They have no shame." The lawsuit was being filed as this story was going to print. The Mujand Investigator will continue to follow the case. MORE ON...THE CHASM X TIME LAG
UPDATE THE SHIKOONA ALESE PROJECT
A Worthy Commerce with a Small Problem Keedomon, Shikoona Alese—With a no fly zone placed over Shikoona Alese for the last few years, there is little known about this mysterious MT country. Only Supreme Macore Unit and Chasm X Authority representatives are allowed within the country’s borders. However, some leaks have occurred and information regarding this strange country has made it to the Mujand Investigator. The most surprising is the fact that visits to the MT country has revealed a population anomaly. Women are 95% of the population. Men have either disappeared or died off. The cause is unknown and we have been unable to reach SuMacU or Chasm X for comment. What is known comes from official news releases from both organizations on the progress of the MT country known as, Shikoona Alese. Here is the latest release: SuMacU press release 4.6.13 Year long observation reveals that the Shikoona Alese women have evolved into hunters and manufacturers, creating unique, fine fabrics from the spins of butterflies they call, Zawadi, or gift. They have enriched their commerce ability quickly using mostly trade. SumacU started educating the Shikoona Alese leaders in commerce and government. They have since elected their leader who was their leader already. They were introduced to levels of government and leadership, which they were already aware of but have now started to understand the delegating of authority and its importance. Rory Wanawake is without question or argument their President. She is young but has knowledge beyond her years. It will be a slow process but the women are sharp and ready to learn the new world around them. End press release 4.6.13 The issue of the lack of men continues to be a source of disturbance according to our sources. The Shikoona Women cannot explain. The remaining Men are silent on the subject. Doctors are scheduled to enter the country within the next few months to start tests on the remaining male population to determine if an illness has brought on this male deterioration. The Women of Shikoona Alese have made a request to be visited by Female Doctors only. SuMacU sees nothing wrong with this request. The Mujand Investigator will continue to follow this strange old world. SERIOUSLY?
Prank Gone AwryJestington, Felakton - Avie Rogan, a 22 year old woman was the victim of a prank that has caused uncontrollable hair growth on her face. "I can't stop it," she said on the phone through tears. "I cut it and shave it and it returns overnight. I'm hideous!"
According to Ms. Rogan, her now ex-boyfriend, Tok Lowin, applied his hair growth product onto her face while she slept. She woke in the morning to find hair on her face. It was then that her ex-boyfriend admitted to the prank saying he had no idea it would grow hair. For the record, Ms. Rogan says Tok is bald and that the product never worked for him. According to the producer of the product, ScalpUp, the hair growth product reacts differently to each person. "We can't say why Ms. Rogan is seeing such incredible results without examining her. But she refuses to come in to see our scienteers." Ms. Rogan was appalled by their response. "Incredible results? I'm just glad Tok didn't apply ScalpUp somewhere else on me. He's done that before with peanut butter!" The Mujand Investigator has learned that the D.A. was to pursue criminal charges against Mr. Lowin but Ms. Rogan refused to testify against him. UPDATE: The Mujand Investigator has learned that the couple has reunited. |
