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VOL. I No. 07
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© Mujand LLC
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ZILCHY, MUJAND REPUBLIC
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August 15, 2017
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Free
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BIO-LUMINESCENT WORLD FOUND
CURRENCY NEWS
THE PIRATE CURRENCY TARROWVA, LIA ANTOOTICA - The Lia Antootica and Andaqesh Governments have jointly announced the release of a collection of banknotes previously kept from public viewing for hundreds of years. The Andaqesh Registry of Records (ARR) located the banknotes in its vaults and together with Lia Antootica have unclassified the banknotes detailing the country’s historical conflict. These banknotes will be released to the public for historical purposes. Gred Fragliony, ARR’s Managing Director said in a press release; "These banknotes are so disturbing we argued for nearly a year on whether or not to release these vile things to the public. In the end it was decided the historical value out-weighed the disturbing nature of these banknotes.” The story of the Founding Pirates take over of Lia Antootica has somehow evaded public interest but now the story of a heinous act will be told. *See Pirate story in this issue MORE BANKNOTE NEWS
AMOTEKUNIA NOTES
THE BIRDS AND THE BEES PORT AVASTUS, AMOTEKUNIA – The government of Amotekunia announces the release of two new banknotes featuring the modified bee escape first reported by the Mujand Investigator back in December, 2016. The modified bee (code-named WTP1926) developed by Medlinda Natur, Inc., was developed to increase honey production. Once the bees escaped the lab, the Amotekunia government then released near 10,000 bee-eating birds. The controversy sparked outrage because the public was not alerted but reports suggest the bee population has not been altered or affected in Amotekunia or any of its neighboring countries. The situation continues to be monitored by the Department of Agriculture as well as several ornithology groups. As for the banknotes, some critics have expressed outrage over the Amotekunia government using the incident as a subject for its national currency. "This is ridiculous," said Orin Thornipple, president of the group, Not A Good Idea, an organization formed to monitor and protest all things done in poor taste. "Seriously? Birds and bees? I shudder to think what Amotekunia would use should a bear eat a child." Mr. Thornipple back down from his comments after they sparked shock and anger. Muzzi Xanay, a member of NAGI also expressed her dismay at the group's president. "I apologize for my colleague's insensitive and shocking comment. We as a group do not stand by his words." NOTES RELEASED Despite the NAGI controversy, the notes have been released and are now circulating. TECHNICAL NEWS
MINING APPLIOUS GOSTAY
Dobit Street, Zilchy – Energy corporation, Parsco Craid has announced that it will mine ervescent gold from the planet, Applious Gostay and estimates it can return near 10 trillion zilchy of the rare commodity within the next 5 to 10 years. In a deal with Agenis Pact, the mining company and space company will have .
Agenis Pact CEO Keno Smul spoke at a brief press conference in Cape Pable, home to the space company’s launch operations. “Two years ago, Agenis launched the Eternal Raven 3 and it has been orbiting the planet and preparing for this venture. In nine months time, Parsco Craid’s mining team and our travel pilots will meet up with ER3 and start the journey to Apllious Gostay. Our transports are ready and training for the crew and mining team, started last year.” It is estimated that the effort has created more than 8,000 jobs in the Mujand Republic and around the globe. Dobit Street reaction was positive but cautious. Parsco Craid (PRC) – Dobit Up 37.67 (7.5%) Open: 502.25 z Closed: 539.92 z Argenis Pact (ARG) – Dobit Up 32.54 (6.8%) Open: 478.50 z Closed: 511.04 z 
The Dobit Exchange is not responsible for inaccurate reporting
WEIRD NATURE
A KALEIDOSCOPE OF SUNSETS
Neimendal, Evshlohogi Islands – The Evshlohogi Islands are home to a long-standing mystery that is still baffling the scienteering community. Discovered many centuries ago and still unexplained, the five-island nation is the only place on Blissdane Naive where the sunset changes color. The prism of colors are unpredictable and still a joy to witness and a major attraction for visiting people. “It is the queerest thing I’ve ever seen,” said scienteer, Dr. Fodche Dadat. “We’ve investigated the area weather patterns, the atmosphere conditions and many other factors and possibilities and still we are dumbfounded.” Another discovery that could be linked to these colored sunsets is the sea life. Most notably are the fish, which have evolved into colorful, odd looking species of all kinds. One infamous group has emerged with its own theory. The anti-government group, Naysayers Unmasking The Shroud, is suggesting a government cover-up. “We suspect the Evshlohogi government, in conjunction with other world powers, are conducting some kind of experiment in connection with the atmosphere. It’s all about controlling the planet’s system,” says founding member of NUTS, Georjio Addaps. “NUTS plans to visit Evshlohogi soon and we will expose this dangerous experiment.” Dr. Dadat admits that no single theory has emerged that comes close to explaining the phenomenon but says that government conspiracies were inevitable to surface, due to the lack of a solid scientific explanation. “I could say that we should spend resources here to find the answers but I think this one should be allowed to exist without too much probing. Just sit back, and enjoy the sunset, whichever color it chooses gives.” *Read related story in this issue. HISTORY
THE LIA ANTOOTICA PIRATES
The Birth and Death of the Pirate Nation Valsland, Lia Antootica – The history of Lia Antootica comes with a nasty past that some still view as adventurous while others see as cold-blooded. In the early days of Blissdaine Naive a vicious, murderous act was perpatrated on the Ereny Royal family by a ruthless band of pirates led by a group of criminals who called themselves, The Founding Pirates. Lia Antootica was a peaceful country led by the popular and much loved Ereny monarchy. King Bator Ereny was an honorable and just leader who created a prosperous and fair country. Queen Nana Ereny was kind and beautiful and a wonderful mother to the Princess, Feny Ereny. The Princess was a highly intelligent and eager woman of 21 years. The entire Royal Family was well liked by the Lia Antootica population. The land was run well by the Government and there was much wealth and little poverty on the large island nation. With so much to be thankful for and so little strife, Lia Antootica was the perfect target for the ruthless pirates who had planned the attack on the prosperous nation for years. It started late one night while the Queen and Princess slept and the King met with his Generals in his war room. Word had reached the Generals that an attack was eminent from an unknown force. It is believed that the Pirates had already infiltrated the country and the Pirates easily took the Palace by storm that night and captured the Royal Family and murdered the Generals. After a display of humiliation, the King was murdered, while the Queen and Princess were taken to sea, tied up and thrown overboard. Their bodies washed up ashore for the people to find. The act shocked the nation and the following day a full attack on Lia Antootica was launched and the leaderless Antootica military was easily defeated by the Pirates. The take over was swift and the country’s institutions were converted nearly overnight. The Antooticans were heart broken and at a loss. Although the world was outraged and angered when the news made it out, little could be done immediately. The Pirates were well formed and there were thousands of them. Lia Antootica had little choice. To survive, the Antooticans went about their business. To help control the citizenry the Pirates implemented a sinister deed. They introduced banknotes with images of The Founding Pirates on the obverse of the notes and images of the murdered Royal Family on the reverse. This would serve as a reminder to the people that the Pirates were in charge. They wanted the citizens to see their dead King and Queen throughout their daily routine. It was a warning of what they faced should they step out of line. The Kalozkodas Bank and the illegal pirate nation lasted roughly 13 years due to short-sighted decisions made by the Founding Pirates themselves. The mere idea of allowing other pirates to migrate to their shores was a foolish policy. No immigrant procedure was implemented and soon pirates were pirating pirates. Chaos ensued. The unorganized Lia Antootica military was ill equipped to handle the fighting and mayhem. Many of the soldiers joined the pirates. To make things worse for the Founding Pirates, the Sivar currency found its way to other shores and the mistake of using their own images on the banknotes proved to be their final demise. In the end, several nations joined forces to attack the pirate nation and the Founding Pirates were rounded up by the multi-coalition army, using the Lia Antootica banknote images for positive identification. All Founding Pirates were put on trial, found guilty and executed for their crimes. The surviving Pirates fled but were hunted and captured throughout the world for years to follow. Lia Antootica was now a nation without leaders. The coalition of nations then placed experienced people in charge to lead Lia Antootica out of chaos. With a very strong ship building economy they were able to crawl out of the mess they were in within 10 years. Today Lia Antootica is still the leader in ship building. Lia Antootica would return to the peaceful entity it always was with a much wiser government. They built up a strong military. They would not be subjected to that humiliation ever again. |
Sergi Fonte
THE DERA PEOPLE
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ENDANGERED?
Poneet Islands, Port Avastus - The Poneet Islands government has petitioned the Serene Courts and SMACU to place the Shog on the world’s endangered species list. Although this legendary creature has not been seen for over a century, the petitioners insist there are still some hiding within their jungles as well as within the waters around the Poneet Islands and the country of the Ervescent Coast.
Garba Manmin, Director General for the Society of Nearly Dead Animals, has rejected the petition saying, “We can’t place a species on the endangered species list if the species is extinct. The Shog is extinct and has not been seen for over 116 years.” The petitioners argue that to expose the Shog would mean its certain demise. They insist the Shog must remain in hiding. This has prompted several adventure groups to go to the Poneet Island chain to search for the elusive Shog. Many critics are now saying that the Poneet Islands were merely seeking publicity and tourism. Dr. Sebatian Meely, a paleobiologist at the University of Evshlohogi, has his suspicions. “If the Shog has not been seen for over one hundred years, why even bring it up? Unless you want to drum up a little tourism.” The Poneet Islands government rejects these claims and announces that it will protect the Shog at all costs. Dr. Meely replied with this quip. “I have a few Shog bones they might be able to protect for me. For a while.” STRANGE NEWS
Ex-Model Rainy Zera
WOMAN'S FACE CONTORTS
Blames excessive personal phone use Nalim, Sima Senco - A twenty-four year old female model in Sima Senco claims that half of her face has contorted due to excessive personal phone use. "I felt it coming on but didn't know it was because of the phone," said Rainy Zera. "Why haven't we been warned of this possibility?" Robin Hoos, attorney for Ms. Zera, said that they will file a lawsuit against all personal phone manufacturers and their affiliates for a sum yet to be determined. "My client has been damaged beyond repair and it has ended her modeling career, which was a giant part of her life. These phone manufacturers and their component and software affiliates, have robbed Ms. Zera of her beauty, her livelihood and her self-respect." When asked what scientific research has determined that personal phones are causing these facials distortions, Ms. Hoos responded with a question. "Do we want to wait for science to tell us we are seeing a distorted face on Ms. Zera? There is the proof. We don't need doctors to explain what we are seeing." The Mujand Investigator reached out to several personal phone manufacturers, receiving but one response. Beachball CEO, Roddit Ucker Keedeeng, had this to say, "Ms. Zera and her attorney could have just as easily blamed cameras and the excessive flashing. Perhaps the camera flashes Ms. Zera subjected herself to for years finally showed her real face." A war of words commenced after Mr. Keedeeng's comments. "I expected as much from a cold-hearted CEO like R.U. Keedeeng. I know him and his Beachball bum board of directors. They have no shame." The lawsuit was being filed as this story was going to print. The Mujand Investigator will continue to follow the case. MORE ON...THE CHASM X TIME LAG
UPDATE THE SHIKOONA ALESE PROJECT
A Worthy Commerce with a Small Problem Keedomon, Shikoona Alese—With a no fly zone placed over Shikoona Alese for the last few years, there is little known about this mysterious MT country. Only Supreme Macore Unit and Chasm X Authority representatives are allowed within the country’s borders. However, some leaks have occurred and information regarding this strange country has made it to the Mujand Investigator. The most surprising is the fact that visits to the MT country has revealed a population anomaly. Women are 95% of the population. Men have either disappeared or died off. The cause is unknown and we have been unable to reach SuMacU or Chasm X for comment. What is known comes from official news releases from both organizations on the progress of the MT country known as, Shikoona Alese. Here is the latest release: SuMacU press release 4.6.13 Year long observation reveals that the Shikoona Alese women have evolved into hunters and manufacturers, creating unique, fine fabrics from the spins of butterflies they call, Zawadi, or gift. They have enriched their commerce ability quickly using mostly trade. SumacU started educating the Shikoona Alese leaders in commerce and government. They have since elected their leader who was their leader already. They were introduced to levels of government and leadership, which they were already aware of but have now started to understand the delegating of authority and its importance. Rory Wanawake is without question or argument their President. She is young but has knowledge beyond her years. It will be a slow process but the women are sharp and ready to learn the new world around them. End press release 4.6.13 The issue of the lack of men continues to be a source of disturbance according to our sources. The Shikoona Women cannot explain. The remaining Men are silent on the subject. Doctors are scheduled to enter the country within the next few months to start tests on the remaining male population to determine if an illness has brought on this male deterioration. The Women of Shikoona Alese have made a request to be visited by Female Doctors only. SuMacU sees nothing wrong with this request. The Mujand Investigator will continue to follow this strange old world. SCIENCE NEWS
Dr. Doleena Rorrim
REFLECTIONS THEORY
Who Lights up Your Life? The once notable physicist Dr. Doleena Rorrim has released a theory that has caused many in the scienteering community great concern. There are calls for an involuntary committal to an institute for evaluation after she theorized the possibility that the reflection world is the real world and that we are the reflection of its light. The real world can be seen in mirrors and water and other reflective surfaces. Dr. Stun Axia, a colleague and close friend, has taken Dr. Rorrim to her home and is under his care. “I am saddened by the reaction to her theory,” Dr. Axia said. “Doleena has always been a frank and direct person. Although I too have issues with her theory, that is no reason to attack her and label her incompetent.” At her home in Arth, Toozuela, where she has gone into hiding after the reaction to her theory, she agreed to grant us a few questions. MI: How did the theory of the reflection world come about? DR: Quite by accident. I was in my office working when I happened to look at a window because the wind had suddenly picked up outside. Looking at the reflection of myself on the glass I just could see the light waves bouncing away from me and reflecting myself toward the glass for the real me to see on the other side, which is the real world.” MI: Do you plan to keep working on this theory and is there any way that it can be proven? DR: “Indeed I do plan to keep working on this theory. But it’s only a theory until someone else sees what I saw and then it becomes an elusive vision. Much like the witnessed white holes on the Kerajaan Islands.” Dr. Axia cut the interview short at this point. The Mujand Investigator has learned that Dr. Rorrim has been admitted into a facility for observation. MEDICAL NEWS
LMNOPee
Forbistad, Provincia Vis – Forbistad Memorial reports that a patient who had been in a coma for twelve years was not in his bed when a nurse arrived to care for him. “When it was learned that he was missing from his hospital room the staff began a mad search,” said the patient’s caretaker, Doctor Pame. The search went on for thirty minutes until the patient was spotted returning from the bathroom. When asked about his adventure to the bathroom, the man crawled back into bed and replied, “I really had to pee. But I’m still pretty sleepy.” According to reports, the Doctors and Nurses present in the room at the time laughed, thinking the patient was jesting. But they soon realized that he had indeed fallen asleep and eventually back into a coma. “It’s the damnedest thing we’d ever seen,” continued Dr. Pame. “The patient awoke and traveled to find a bathroom to urinate then returned to his bed and fell back into a coma.” As of today, the patient is still in a coma. Twelve years and counting. SERIOUSLY?
Prank Gone Awry
Jestington, Felakton - Avie Rogan, a 22 year old woman was the victim of a prank that has caused uncontrollable hair growth on her face. "I can't stop it," she said on the phone through tears. "I cut it and shave it and it returns overnight. I'm hideous!"
According to Ms. Rogan, her now ex-boyfriend, Tok Lowin, applied his hair growth product onto her face while she slept. She woke in the morning to find hair on her face. It was then that her ex-boyfriend admitted to the prank saying he had no idea it would grow hair. For the record, Ms. Rogan says Tok is bald and that the product never worked for him. According to the producer of the product, ScalpUp, the hair growth product reacts differently to each person. "We can't say why Ms. Rogan is seeing such incredible results without examining her. But she refuses to come in to see our scienteers." Ms. Rogan was appalled by their response. "Incredible results? I'm just glad Tok didn't apply ScalpUp somewhere else on me. He's done that before with peanut butter!" The Mujand Investigator has learned that the D.A. was pursuing criminal charges against Mr. Lowin but Ms. Rogan refused to testify against him. UPDATE: The Mujand Investigator has learned that the couple has reunited. |
